‘Prioritize your own peace’: Estranged dad tries to reconnect with eldest daughter from a pervious marriage, daughter ends connection after he throws a tantrum about a group chat

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Sep 19, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Everybody is familiar with family drama. Even if you don't have a family, that is your family drama. It is inescapable. And now, with technology, there are new ways to amplify the drama. For instance, group text chats. Communication can be lost when it is via text, and yet, family still insist on arguing. Like this family. They are already dealing with all kinds of drama, but the estranged father was trying to perhaps patch things up. He had reconnected with his eldest daughter from a previous marriage after working in the same office. It was awkward at first, but he started introducing her to her half-sister, step-mom, etc. Unfortunately, through a group chat about planning a birthday party for her step-mom got out of hand, she left the chat. This made her dad throw a tantrum that had his ears closed off to anything she had to say about it. So she decided to close him off too, and told him she wouldn't be attending the birthday party at all. He tried to apologize later, but the damage was done. Now she's wondering if she's being too harsh and commenters seem to be unsure on what she should do next. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10555507968
    via Unsplash+ (and Gabrielle Henderson)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for refusing to go to my stepmoms surprise party after my sister purposely excluded me?"

    For context, I did not grow up with my father/stepmom. My father had four children total 3 girls and 1 son (37F, myself 36F, would be 30M and Hope 27F).
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • My father didn't have relationships with myself or his oldest daughter growing up due to issues he had with each of our mothers so he only raised his son and daughter with his wife.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • His son passed away four years ago after a life long battle with a chronic illness essentially making his youngest daughter and "only child".
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Prior to his passing, my father's son was married to a woman Gen who my father and stepmom still consider to be "one of their daughters".
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • My father and I reconnected about three years ago and my relationship with my father and stepmom are about as healthy as they can be, all things considered.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Last year I met their daughter, Hope, and every interaction with her has been awkward. When we met she was mostly a stay at home. wife and only worked part time at the school her mom teaches at.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • I am a social worker and coincidentally work for the same agency our father, this was the catalyst to our reconciliation.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Myself, my father and step mom are all alumnus of the same university and this has helped bond us a bit.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Upon finding this out Hope (27F) suddenly became interested in going back to college after having not attended for the past 8 years and she also decided to change her major, to what? Social work!
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • She explained to me that she was working on her associates and when describing what she wants to do professionally it quickly became clear that she wasn't on the right path by majoring in social work.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • When I asked what her plans were after finishing her associates degree she said "I don't know", I immediately felt like she was just trying to copy me but shrugged it off.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • saw her again at Father's Day, my son 8yo was there and her Hope's husband was as well.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • When it was time for my father to open his gifts my son sat at his feet crisscross apple sauce to help him unwrap his presents as children do.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • The odd thing is, Hope also sat at our father's feet crisscross applesauce to help him with his gifts.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • I must have been looking at her strangely because she stopped for a moment and said "why am I doing this, I'm not the youngest anymore", looks at my son, sort of shrugs and continues engaging in this very childlike behavior.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • woman texting
    via Unsplash+ (and Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Fast forward to present today, it's Tuesday, this is important. On Sunday morning, I woke up to a text from Gen she had created a group chat with myself, Hope and our father asking if we could coordinate a birthday surprise for my stepmom.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Gen mentions that my SM birthday falls on a Friday but my SM is typically exhausted for the week so her actual birthday-day would likely not be the best time.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • I share my schedule for that weekend and everyone agrees Saturday afternoon/evening would be most fitting.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • My father suggests "should we throw a surprise party" within the next hour Hope had planned the entire party, "volunteered" to cook all of the food and buy the cake, contacted her moms friends to coordinate the surprise element and talked my SM about possible gift ideas;
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • no one had an opportunity to weigh in on this. She also moved the date from the agreed Saturday to Friday after work. No one challenged her on this either.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Monday evening around 6p, Hope sent a text to the group listing the items her mother mentioned she wanted for her birthday a bench for her garden, decor items for the garden and a sign for a friend that had passed.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • Tuesday morning at 8 am Hope sends a screenshot to the group of the items she ordered to gift her mom, a bench for the garden, decor items for the garden and a sign for the friend that passed.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • This was more than enough for me. I simply messaged back "well it seems like everything is handled. Just tell me when and where " and then removed myself from the group chat.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • It felt like she was intentionally taking over the planning and not allowing Gen and I to participate in anyway.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • It seemed VERY important to Hope that she be the one to do everything, almost like she was marking her territory against these two "fake daughters".
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • My father texted me and asked if removing myself from the group was intentional and I told him it was.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • He immediately thought it was about him and became defensive, after a short exchange where I tried to tell him it wasn't about him and him not giving me any opportunity to tell him what was actually bothering me.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • He instead told me there was "no need" to explain. From there the conversation devolved and I ultimately told him I wouldn't be coming at all.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • He tried to apologize and hear my perspective only after I said I wouldn't be going but I was completely shut down.
    via Ok-Republic4507
  • AITA for refusing to go to my stepmoms surprise birthday party after my sister purposely excluded me?
    via Ok-Republic4507

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